One-shot - Promise
Title: Promise
Pairing: Koyashige
Prompt: #038 - Replace
Words: 1,628
Rating: PG
A/N: Written for![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif)
je_prompts and dedicated to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
unfenced_fire.
Summary: Koyama consoles a heart-broken Shige.
Shige was crying.
Koyama didn't know why, didn't even have the slightest clue; all he knew was that it broke his heart, and he wanted it to stop. It made no sense to him, because when Shige had invited him over to his apartment on the phone, he'd sounded fine. But here he was now, sitting in front of his laptop, crying harder than Koyama had seen in years.
When he first stepped into the room, calling his name in a hesitant, soft voice, Shige looked up from his computer, eyes red and puffy, and said, "Koyama, please just leave."
Koyama was both taken aback and a little bit scared, because something must be wrong. He didn't listen to Shige's warning, and took a few more steps into the room.
"But Shige, you just asked me to come over and now you're asking me to leave? I don't underst..."
"Just get the fuck out!" Shige shouted, and Koyama was so stunned by his sudden hostility that he almost complied and turned on his heel to go. But Koyama was Shige's best friend, and they'd known each other for years. So he didn't. He walked over to Shige, and wrapped his arms around him from behind, holding on tight.
Shige stayed rigid in the embrace for a few seconds, during which Koyama wondered if he really did want him to leave. But then Shige stumbled out of his chair, and threw himself back into Koyama's arms, hugging him back fiercely and sobbing all over again. Koyama soothed him, stroked his hair, pressed his lips against the top of his head in an almost-kiss. He could smell his shampoo and what might be a hint of cologne, mixing with a scent that was just overwhelmingly Shige.
He held him, firmly but tenderly, until his sobs subsided and Koyama's shirt collar was soaked with tears. It was only then that Koyama asked him what was wrong, with one hand entangled in his hair, resting against the back of his head, and his lips right up close to Shige's ear, as though he was whispering a secret.
Shige breathed in shakily, but didn't start to cry again, which Koyama took as a good sign. Until he heard the answer.
"He broke up with me."
"Oh..." Koyama wished he had something better to say. Something clever and touching that would chase away all of Shige's worries and make him okay. Make him see that anyone who left him and broke his heart wasn't worth it. But nothing came. Just, "Oh". Just one useless syllable that meant nothing. Told Shige nothing.
Shige had met a boy at university some months ago, and the two had quickly fallen in love. Koyama was the first and only person that he'd told about it, and he'd taken it surprisingly well, since it had come as a bit of a shock. After all, all things considered, before this Shige had shown no more homosexual tendencies than the average Johnny. But Koyama had been supportive and accepting, and as Shige had become more and more involved with this boy from his class, he'd also become even better friends with Koyama.
Everything seemed to have been going so well up until now, and Koyama had no idea why this had happened.
"But why?" He couldn't help but ask, hoping that perhaps he could offer more support and comfort if he knew the full story. Shige swallowed and gave a little sniffle. Then he pointed to his laptop.
"You can read the email he sent me." He said, and Koyama's mouth fell open.
"He broke up with you by email?" He said, feeling a wisp of anger curling in his body. Koyama had never met this boyfriend of Shige's, but his good opinion of him took a sudden nose-dive.
"I don't... I really don't want to talk about it. Just read the email." Shige said, sounding almost as though he was pleading not to have the topic pursued.
Koyama nodded, giving his hand a quick squeeze, and then sat down and began to read the mail on the screen.
"Shige," It started off, "I guess you probably know why I'm writing this mail. I told you in class the other day that I had something to talk about, and I could tell it made you nervous. I guess you were expecting the worst case scenario, and whatever you thought was probably right. I'm sorry I'm doing it like this, but I'm too scared to see your face or hear your voice when I tell you I want to break up, because I don't want to see or hear you cry, and I don't want to have any awkward exchanges after I do it. I don't know, it just feels cleaner this way."
Koyama wanted to hit the reply button, type a furious response calling this guy a coward, telling him to give Shige the closure he deserved in person instead of hiding behind a computer monitor. He forced himself to keep reading.
"I really did want it to work between us, but the thing is it's too hard. With your job, it always feels like we have to be secretive and watchful, and like we need to make sure we don't leave any traces. You don't send me romantic mails or messages, you won't let me take cute photos with you... you don't do anything that anyone could get their hands on to expose this relationship. You always make sure that you leave nothing behind with me that I could possibly give to the media in case we ever had a fight and broke up. I don't know if you know how that makes me feel; that you were constantly preparing for the end of our relationship when we're supposed to be happy and in love. I'm really sorry. I just can't take it."
It was unfair, Koyama wanted to say. Unfair that this guy had given up on Shige. Even though he was well aware that the reason was perfectly acceptable, Koyama still refused to admit it. Refused to admit that anything that hurt his Shige was fair.
"Anyway, I'll delete anything else I have from you and return your stuff to you so you can feel safe. I'm still your friend, and I hope you don't forget that. I really wish you well with your job and your studies, and I hope that the next person you find will be able to love you better and longer than I could. All the best."
Koyama finished up, and just stared blankly at the monitor for a while until he heard another sniffle from behind him. When he turned to look, he found Shige trying to hold back another wave of tears.
"I'm just... am I just not good enough, Koyama?" He asked, desperately trying not to cry again. "Not good enough for a break up in person. Is an email deciding my future all I'm worth?"
Koyama tried to respond, but his voice caught in his throat, and all the words in his mind didn't sound good enough. All he could do was shake his head; all he could come up with was, 'That's not true.'
Shige let out a hoarse sob, and two tears trailed down his cheeks, one faster than the other. They dripped off his chin, running down his neck and soaking into the fabric of his shirt. "It is true." He said, choked up and miserable. "All I'm worth is one lousy email and a whole bunch of deleted text messages. Koyama... it hurts."
Koyama reached out for him again, and Shige complied, wrapping himself in Koyama's protective embrace, shivering and shaking.
"To me, you're worth more than the rest of the world." Koyama whispered, meaning every word. Shige nodded, and sniffed again, but the words and contact seemed to calm him.
"Koyama... the hurting feels like it's never going to stop." He said after a while, and Koyama hushed him with a gentle, comforting tone.
"It'll take a while, but it's definitely going to stop." He said, and in a fit of boldness, pressed a quick kiss to Shige's temple. "It's going to stop." He repeated. "Right now, it may feel like it's never going to end, but one day you'll wake up and find that it's finally over. Okay?"
Shige nodded against Koyama's chest, eyes closed, listening to his heart beating. He wanted to melt into him and forget all about himself.
"I don't know if I'll ever find another person to fall in love with." He sighed, but his eyes felt heavy, and Koyama was so warm. It would be so easy to fall asleep in his arms and not worry about anything else ever again.
"You will." Koyama assured him. They sat down on the edge of Shige's bed together, neither letting go of the other.
"You can't promise me that." Shige replied, but he cuddled closer to Koyama none the less, letting his best friend's warmth and gentle touch keep his problems at bay.
"I can promise." Koyama said, and his voice was soft, but heavy with an emotion that Shige couldn't quite put his finger on.
"But how do you know?" He asked. "When will I find them?"
Koyama chuckled, combing Shige's hair with his fingers, and resting his chin on his head. "When the time comes, silly. Who knows. Maybe you already have. You just don't know it yet."
Once again, Shige didn't respond, but as he sat there in his best friend's arms, still hurting but somehow a little more sure that he'd be alright, he took Koyama's promise, and locked it away in a tiny corner of his heart, where it could safely stay until the day it came true.
Pairing: Koyashige
Prompt: #038 - Replace
Words: 1,628
Rating: PG
A/N: Written for
je_prompts and dedicated to unfenced_fire. Summary: Koyama consoles a heart-broken Shige.
Shige was crying.
Koyama didn't know why, didn't even have the slightest clue; all he knew was that it broke his heart, and he wanted it to stop. It made no sense to him, because when Shige had invited him over to his apartment on the phone, he'd sounded fine. But here he was now, sitting in front of his laptop, crying harder than Koyama had seen in years.
When he first stepped into the room, calling his name in a hesitant, soft voice, Shige looked up from his computer, eyes red and puffy, and said, "Koyama, please just leave."
Koyama was both taken aback and a little bit scared, because something must be wrong. He didn't listen to Shige's warning, and took a few more steps into the room.
"But Shige, you just asked me to come over and now you're asking me to leave? I don't underst..."
"Just get the fuck out!" Shige shouted, and Koyama was so stunned by his sudden hostility that he almost complied and turned on his heel to go. But Koyama was Shige's best friend, and they'd known each other for years. So he didn't. He walked over to Shige, and wrapped his arms around him from behind, holding on tight.
Shige stayed rigid in the embrace for a few seconds, during which Koyama wondered if he really did want him to leave. But then Shige stumbled out of his chair, and threw himself back into Koyama's arms, hugging him back fiercely and sobbing all over again. Koyama soothed him, stroked his hair, pressed his lips against the top of his head in an almost-kiss. He could smell his shampoo and what might be a hint of cologne, mixing with a scent that was just overwhelmingly Shige.
He held him, firmly but tenderly, until his sobs subsided and Koyama's shirt collar was soaked with tears. It was only then that Koyama asked him what was wrong, with one hand entangled in his hair, resting against the back of his head, and his lips right up close to Shige's ear, as though he was whispering a secret.
Shige breathed in shakily, but didn't start to cry again, which Koyama took as a good sign. Until he heard the answer.
"He broke up with me."
"Oh..." Koyama wished he had something better to say. Something clever and touching that would chase away all of Shige's worries and make him okay. Make him see that anyone who left him and broke his heart wasn't worth it. But nothing came. Just, "Oh". Just one useless syllable that meant nothing. Told Shige nothing.
Shige had met a boy at university some months ago, and the two had quickly fallen in love. Koyama was the first and only person that he'd told about it, and he'd taken it surprisingly well, since it had come as a bit of a shock. After all, all things considered, before this Shige had shown no more homosexual tendencies than the average Johnny. But Koyama had been supportive and accepting, and as Shige had become more and more involved with this boy from his class, he'd also become even better friends with Koyama.
Everything seemed to have been going so well up until now, and Koyama had no idea why this had happened.
"But why?" He couldn't help but ask, hoping that perhaps he could offer more support and comfort if he knew the full story. Shige swallowed and gave a little sniffle. Then he pointed to his laptop.
"You can read the email he sent me." He said, and Koyama's mouth fell open.
"He broke up with you by email?" He said, feeling a wisp of anger curling in his body. Koyama had never met this boyfriend of Shige's, but his good opinion of him took a sudden nose-dive.
"I don't... I really don't want to talk about it. Just read the email." Shige said, sounding almost as though he was pleading not to have the topic pursued.
Koyama nodded, giving his hand a quick squeeze, and then sat down and began to read the mail on the screen.
"Shige," It started off, "I guess you probably know why I'm writing this mail. I told you in class the other day that I had something to talk about, and I could tell it made you nervous. I guess you were expecting the worst case scenario, and whatever you thought was probably right. I'm sorry I'm doing it like this, but I'm too scared to see your face or hear your voice when I tell you I want to break up, because I don't want to see or hear you cry, and I don't want to have any awkward exchanges after I do it. I don't know, it just feels cleaner this way."
Koyama wanted to hit the reply button, type a furious response calling this guy a coward, telling him to give Shige the closure he deserved in person instead of hiding behind a computer monitor. He forced himself to keep reading.
"I really did want it to work between us, but the thing is it's too hard. With your job, it always feels like we have to be secretive and watchful, and like we need to make sure we don't leave any traces. You don't send me romantic mails or messages, you won't let me take cute photos with you... you don't do anything that anyone could get their hands on to expose this relationship. You always make sure that you leave nothing behind with me that I could possibly give to the media in case we ever had a fight and broke up. I don't know if you know how that makes me feel; that you were constantly preparing for the end of our relationship when we're supposed to be happy and in love. I'm really sorry. I just can't take it."
It was unfair, Koyama wanted to say. Unfair that this guy had given up on Shige. Even though he was well aware that the reason was perfectly acceptable, Koyama still refused to admit it. Refused to admit that anything that hurt his Shige was fair.
"Anyway, I'll delete anything else I have from you and return your stuff to you so you can feel safe. I'm still your friend, and I hope you don't forget that. I really wish you well with your job and your studies, and I hope that the next person you find will be able to love you better and longer than I could. All the best."
Koyama finished up, and just stared blankly at the monitor for a while until he heard another sniffle from behind him. When he turned to look, he found Shige trying to hold back another wave of tears.
"I'm just... am I just not good enough, Koyama?" He asked, desperately trying not to cry again. "Not good enough for a break up in person. Is an email deciding my future all I'm worth?"
Koyama tried to respond, but his voice caught in his throat, and all the words in his mind didn't sound good enough. All he could do was shake his head; all he could come up with was, 'That's not true.'
Shige let out a hoarse sob, and two tears trailed down his cheeks, one faster than the other. They dripped off his chin, running down his neck and soaking into the fabric of his shirt. "It is true." He said, choked up and miserable. "All I'm worth is one lousy email and a whole bunch of deleted text messages. Koyama... it hurts."
Koyama reached out for him again, and Shige complied, wrapping himself in Koyama's protective embrace, shivering and shaking.
"To me, you're worth more than the rest of the world." Koyama whispered, meaning every word. Shige nodded, and sniffed again, but the words and contact seemed to calm him.
"Koyama... the hurting feels like it's never going to stop." He said after a while, and Koyama hushed him with a gentle, comforting tone.
"It'll take a while, but it's definitely going to stop." He said, and in a fit of boldness, pressed a quick kiss to Shige's temple. "It's going to stop." He repeated. "Right now, it may feel like it's never going to end, but one day you'll wake up and find that it's finally over. Okay?"
Shige nodded against Koyama's chest, eyes closed, listening to his heart beating. He wanted to melt into him and forget all about himself.
"I don't know if I'll ever find another person to fall in love with." He sighed, but his eyes felt heavy, and Koyama was so warm. It would be so easy to fall asleep in his arms and not worry about anything else ever again.
"You will." Koyama assured him. They sat down on the edge of Shige's bed together, neither letting go of the other.
"You can't promise me that." Shige replied, but he cuddled closer to Koyama none the less, letting his best friend's warmth and gentle touch keep his problems at bay.
"I can promise." Koyama said, and his voice was soft, but heavy with an emotion that Shige couldn't quite put his finger on.
"But how do you know?" He asked. "When will I find them?"
Koyama chuckled, combing Shige's hair with his fingers, and resting his chin on his head. "When the time comes, silly. Who knows. Maybe you already have. You just don't know it yet."
Once again, Shige didn't respond, but as he sat there in his best friend's arms, still hurting but somehow a little more sure that he'd be alright, he took Koyama's promise, and locked it away in a tiny corner of his heart, where it could safely stay until the day it came true.
Shige, can you lend me Koyama? Just for a little while. I'll give him back, I promise. But I want that comforting hug, too *_*
*coughs*
But then Shige stumbled out of his chair, and threw himself back into Koyama's arms, hugging him back fiercely and sobbing all over again.
I so STARTED crying there! And I read it before going to university so my make up was allll off and.. but.. this is so beautiful, the emtions are so strong! I love this sentence so much, I want to read it over and over.
It was only then that Koyama asked him what's wrong, with one hand entangled in his hair, resting against the back of his head, and his lips right up close to Shige's ear, as though he was whispering him a secret.
Yet again, just beautiful. It's so special, so innocent but at the same time it's so strong. I really like this.
But nothing came. Just, "Oh". Just one useless syllable that meant nothing. Told Shige nothing.
I know that feeling. that you want to say so much because you know the other one is hurting and yet you can say nothing else but this..
"He broke up with you by email?" He said, feeling a wisp of anger curling through his body. Koyama had never met this boyfriend of Shige's, but his good opinion of him took a sudden nose-dive.
Oh yeah, breaking up by email (
or text message which is even nicer because there is not much space) is just the most unfair thing in this world. I understand Koyama's anger.Koyama wanted to hit the reply button, type a furious response calling this guy a coward, telling him to give Shige the closure he deserved in person instead of hiding behind a computer monitor.
So true.
and I'm not going to quote the whole fic back.. no no.. XD
Refused to admit that anything that'd hurt his Shige was fair.
SO AMAZING. I love love love how you write Koyama's loyalty.
"I'm just... am I just not good enough, Koyama?" He asked, desperately trying not to cry again. "Not good enough for a break up in person. Is an email deciding my future all I'm worth?"
THIS made my cry again. It's so true. It's so damn true. And I think if you replace the subjects and the email part with text message, I think you have my situation.
Koyama reached out for him again, and Shige complied, wrapping himself in Koyama's protective embrace, shivering and shaking.
And THIS made it better again. Again, so beautiful.
"To me, you're worth more than the rest of the world." Koyama whispered, meaning every word.
I want to go all HHRIDMQWSPL~ but really, this is not that sort of a comment.
It's so great. That sentence.
"It'll take a while, but it's definitely going to stop."
I so want to believe Koyama..
"When the time comes, silly. Who knows. Maybe you already have. You just don't know it yet."
The KOYASHIGE ^__^ This is so perfect!
And tell me again, you fail at endings! This is perfect.
Thank you thank you thank you. Have I mentioned thank you yet? No?
THANK YOU!
*Plucks Koyama from Shige and hands him to you* Borrow him well!!
I so STARTED crying there!
Oh no, sorry!! lol, it was meant to try and cheer you up a bit, haha, fail Cait. n.n;
I so want to believe Koyama..
My way of getting through it was to think about how I felt the first day, and compare it with how I felt 2 weeks later. And since I could see an improvement, even though it was just a tiny little bit, I knew that in the end I'd get better, even if it took months. It was hard, because I didn't have a Koyama, but... knowing that I wouldn't feel the way I felt on the first day forever was enough to get me through.
And tell me again, you fail at endings!
Okay, *sometimes* I fail at endings. n.n; But sometimes they come to me.
:) You're very welcome. lol, I just love every person in the world who is nice to me, and I want to give back to them when they need something. n.n; I'm never sure *how* much it means exactly, since I'm just a random on the internet, but that doesn't stop me from trying!
It's not a bad way of crying. It just shows that you convey the emotions so well~
My way of getting through it was to think about how I felt the first day, and compare it with how I felt 2 weeks later.
It's almost two months later and it still hits me.. especially at night ^^' But I survived a concert of a band we used to see together and.. I didn't cry so that's a progress *lol*
It was hard, because I didn't have a Koyama
Well.. that person was sort of my Koyama? Hard to explain *lol* I still have some great friends who help me through this, though ^^
I just love every person in the world who is nice to me, and I want to give back to them when they need something.
That just shows that you're a great person. Makes me want to get you know you better ^^
Ack, I want to explain things better, because that certainly doesn't put into words how much I love this and why, but I can't think of a way to do it justice X_x
♥
I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
<3 I always wanted a Koyama when I was in that kind of situation.
Yes. :D
Let me just say: THANKS and GANBATTE.
Koyama hugging Shige from behind is amazing! :D
Koyama would be the best person to fall in love with:P
And you made everything realistic-great!
Yeah~ <3 Koyama will also wait until Shige's ready. And then he can get his just reward. :D
but koyama didn't and i love him for it!
i feel sorry for shige here. i experienced being broken up over a text message and it just felt totally WRONG. but, oh well, that was a long time ago. it's just sad i didn't have a koyama at that time. hehe.
i'd say shige's ex-boyfriend is really a coward for doing that. tsk tsk.
good thing koyama is there for shige whatever happens~ ^^
this is one incredible fic!
n.n; Yeah. The boyfriend was kind of a mix of cowardly, but in a tough situation, because he was being careful not to give the relationship with Shige away. :/
It was a tough mix to write. XD
I'm glad you thought it was good! :)
point taken. but i just feel sad for shige because he thinks he's not worth to be broken up with face-to-face. that hurts~ T_T
*thumbs up*
It's so sad that Shige can't see what he has. But that's usually the case. Koyama's a wonderful friend to him through anything. And that's just the way it should be.
Thank you so much for the wonderful read!
Shige doesn't see what he has... yet. 8D Koyama will see him through until he does realize. <3
Thank you back at you for reading!
Thanks for sharing, I loved it!
<3 Yeah, Koyashige love is wonderful in all its forms.