Banany's fic journal

Title: Snapshots
Pairings: Tegoshi/Masuda
Word count: 1,682
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Massu will always be a constant in Tegoshi's life.



(Background)


There was quite a number of cardinal rules in Johnny's Jimusho which one just had to learn as one went along. The junior period worked as a safety net, during which young boys were allowed to make mistakes, and could slowly learn these many rules before debuting and being pushed into the spotlight.

Tegoshi had largely missed out on this period, but everyone had been able to tell right off the bat that he was a quick learner and would be just fine. In fact, he was a born professional, needing only a bit of polishing before he'd shine out from amongst even the brightest.
But at that time, his rough edges - quite metaphorical ones, because Tegoshi had been cute and squishy, in both personality and appearance - had made him stand out; he'd been interesting and fresh, and a talented singer.
People had liked him.
He hadn't been like popular Yamashita-kun, and he hadn't been like cool Nishikido-kun, but he'd been his own brand of person. He'd just been Tegoshi. And that had worked for him.


(Beginnings)


Before joining Johnny's, Tegoshi had liked the way his voice sounded over the speakers at karaoke, as it rose and fell and swelled with the music. He'd liked the way it sounded as he sung along with music programs at home; his high, strong tenor mingling with that of the celebrities. Sometimes he'd wondered what it would sound like if he were up on stage too, under the weight of make-up and glaring lights, singing into a microphone, voice mixing with the screams and cheers of fans.

He'd wondered what the melody of fame would sound like, should he ever hear it.
The thought had taken over his mind, and he'd found himself dreaming about it more and more, day to day. Of course, he'd never thought that he would ever really find out.


(Companion)


Tegoshi had clung to Massu at first, because he hadn't known anyone else well enough. Not that he'd literally clung; Tegoshi had always been a smart boy, and he'd understood social codes. It had been too early for him to touch any of his bandmates. What he'd done was stick close to Massu's side whenever they were together, so much so that he'd worried he'd begin to annoy him.

Tegoshi really, really hadn't wanted to annoy Massu. Massu had reminded him of sunshine and warmth, and candy and all sorts of nice things that made Tegoshi feel good. What Tegoshi had really wanted was for Massu, sometimes even more than his respected senpai Yamashita-kun, to like him.

And so it'd worried him that the way he constantly sidled up to him and followed him around would really get on his nerves.
But then, whenever Tegoshi had called his name - always in an anxious voice with the intonation of a question - Massu had turned around and smiled at him.
It'd always stopped Tegoshi from worrying. After all, Massu was the nicest person in the world.


(Lies)


"When do you think you'll get married?"
Tegoshi was 16-years-old the first time he'd been asked this question. He'd stopped and gaped at the interviewer as though she were insane. He couldn't even remember replying. Upon reading the magazine later, he'd found his answer had been, 'Around 28', but whether or not he'd actually said that, or the magazine staff had just made it up, he could never be sure.
Tegoshi was still a child. He'd never even thought about marriage before, let alone decided on when he wanted to do it.

When he'd arrived home that day, Tegoshi had taken out a pen and paper and then looked through a stack of available magazines for possible questions he could be asked. Then he'd written them all out in neat handwriting, before making up answers to go underneath.
He'd memorized them until they didn't feel like lies anymore, and practiced saying them to his reflection in the mirror.


(Love)


By the time that he was 17, Tegoshi could unflinchingly tell interviewers that by age 30 he wanted a wife, two children, a dog and a big house with a small yard and a white picket fence. His perfect date would involve a pretty girl, dinner, a movie and then karaoke. Sometimes he'd like to go for walks along the beach during sunset. He liked girls with gentle faces, nice smiles and kind eyes. He wanted to find a perfect girl and fall in love with her, go out with her for a few years then ask her to marry him. She would be his first and last.

Tegoshi secretly liked boys.

"When did you first fall in love?" They asked him.
'When I was overwhelmed by this job and the fame and lights and fans, and Massu could see it in my eyes without me saying anything, and he put his hand on my shoulder and told me that if I was hungry, we could share a bento box later.' Said Tegoshi's head.
"In kindergarten." Lied his mouth. In kindergarten, Tegoshi had liked cookies and milk and finger painting, and the only girl he'd loved was mother.
The interviewer lapped it up.


(Massu)


Tegoshi and Massu were good friends. They clicked well together. Tegoshi was self-centered and never paid attention to people's feelings. Massu was easy-going and never got angry. Massu would let Tegoshi do whatever he wanted, and Tegoshi didn't have to be able to read the mood, because there was never any need to.
Massu could eat all he liked while Tegoshi chattered to him non-stop, and Massu didn't even have to listen. Tegoshi liked to talk to him. He didn't need Massu to hear what he was saying.

Their first kiss came about naturally. They were in Tegoshi's room, laughing, and Tegoshi had pressed his nose against Massu's as a friendly gesture, and then suddenly their lips touched. There had been no awkwardness or embarrassment. It had felt natural, and so they'd done it again. And again.

One night when Tegoshi had driven Massu home, and they were just sitting in the car before Massu got out, hands tangled together over the gear stick, Tegoshi had asked, "Ne, Massu, are we going out?"
Massu had looked deeply contemplative, before saying, "...Yeah, I guess so."
Tegoshi's grin had almost split his face.


(Regret)


Every once in a little while Tegoshi went out to eat with girls he had no interest in, and sometimes he let his hands linger on their shoulders or gaze linger on their faces a little longer than was normal. Whenever he did this, he never tried too hard to hide his face. The girls never questioned this behaviour, nor did they ever wonder why he didn't choose to go to more secluded, less known areas than where he'd picked.
He didn't tell them that the paparazi were supposed to snap pictures of him. He never told them they were just a cover.

After these outings ended, Tegoshi told them he'd call them and conveniently forgot to give them his number. Then he would go to Massu's house, kiss him on the lips and apologize for where he'd just been. Massu would only smile and embrace him tightly. Tegoshi did what he had to.
Besides, he never saw the girls again.
A few years ago, Tegoshi may have actually felt guilty.


(Sensation)


The first time they made love, it was perfect.
Well, it wasn't actually perfect; it was far from it. Neither of them had actually ever had sex before, despite any rumours that had been circulated. So, consequently, neither had any idea about what they were really meant to be doing. But to Tegoshi, it had felt perfect. They fumbled and blushed and laughed and were awkward and passionate and comfortable with each other. And it was amazing.

After all, no matter how well they knew one another, there were still ways in which they were new to each others' bodies. And so it had been about discovery, getting to know each other in ways they'd never experienced, and just being in love.

It was an experience that Tegoshi would never forget, and that he wouldn't trade for the world. And from the way that Massu smiled at him the next morning, brushing his hair from his face so he could kiss his forehead, Tegoshi didn't even need to wonder if Massu felt the same.
He already knew.


(Sometimes)


Massu is sleeping with his back to Tegoshi, breathing evenly, peacefully asleep. Tegoshi's body feels limp and satisfied, winding down in the aftermath of a love-making session. But his mind is still alert, rushing every which way with thoughts that flicker in and out of his head like staticcy reception.

The light sheen of sweat on Tegoshi's skin is slowly drying, and the spots where Massu's skin meets his feel pleasantly hot. His heart is full and fluttering with insecurity. He loves Massu. He loves Massu so much that it hurts, and no one will ever know.
There are so many lies, so much secrecy. Sneaking around, being careful. Hiding. And for a moment, he wonders if this is worth it.

Massu rolls over a little, hair spilling over closed eyelids. His lips are slightly parted, curling up into what looks like the beginnings of a smile.
And Tegoshi knows that the answer to his question is 'yes'.
The feeling passes.

(Together)

"What kind of life do you want in 10 years time?" The group is asked; a question similar to so many other questions they've been asked by so many other magazines, so many times.
"If I'm not in the entertainment business anymore, I guess I just want an average life." Tegoshi says, and laughs. "Like the ones you see in the movies. A happy life where I can come home after work to a warm meal and a dog and my kids."
"So obviously you'd like to be married by then?" The interviewer presses.
"Yeah." Tegoshi says. He catches Massu's gaze out of the corner of his eye. "If the right person comes along."

Massu smiles. No one else knows why.