Banany's fic journal

Title: Voices (Part 4/?)
Pairings: Koyama/Shige, Tegoshi/Masuda
Word count: 3,464
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Following an accident, four of the members of NEWS are left comas in hospital. Upon awakening, their memories of being themselves have been replaced with ones of being other people, from another life.




For a few moments, Tegoshi felt oddly incorporeal and emotionless. It had to be a lie, he thought, because nothing was that simple – Massu wouldn't wake up so soon after Shige had. It would be too much of a coincidence; there was no way Tegoshi could be that lucky.

Then suddenly, he was back down to earth, and his body felt crippled with all sorts of feelings he couldn't explain. Was Massu really back? Did he remember him? Did he remember anything? It was so hard to breath. Tegoshi wanted to cry and laugh and go to sleep, all at the same time.

"I'll take you to him." His mother said, placing a hand of his shoulder, cutting through his haze of panic. "You shouldn't drive when you're like this."

And that was how he found himself in the car, on the way to the hospital, filled with a sense of dread and urgency. Aside from the consistent swish of tires on the road, there was no noise, and the silence was stifling. When it started to become too much, his mother reached over to turn on the radio, but then thought twice about it and pulled her hand away. Tegoshi sat without moving a muscle, eyes sullen and glued to the road. His mother kept shooting him worried glances.

"Yuya," She finally said, slowly and softly, "It'll be fine. You know what Koyama-kun said. Shigeaki-kun's suffering from something that no one's ever heard of before. There's no way Masuda-kun will end up the same way."
Tegoshi stayed glum, "I don't even know if he'll really be awake. What are the chances that he'd actually wake up so soon after Shige?"

"Have a little more faith." His mother replied, "You're my lucky boy. If Masuda-kun is going to wake up for anyone, he'll wake up for you."
They came to a red light, and while the car was braked, she reached over and gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze.
Tegoshi didn't say anything else for the rest of the trip, but he maybe - just maybe - his head felt a little bit clearer.


By the time they arrived outside the hospital, it was already surrounded by security and news crews; a crowd of fans had also begun to form, growing steadily by the minute. Tegoshi leapt out of the car as soon as it stopped, barely hearing his mother's shout for him to be careful, and begun to run through the crowd. He'd only managed to get several yards before he heard a murmur start to spread, escalating into a roar, and then into high pitched screams of his name.

"It really is Tegoshi!" He heard a girl on his left say as he dashed past. Someone tried to clutch his arm, but he was moving too fast for anyone to get a grip on, and their fingers were wrenched from his skin. He darted past news people and cameras and fans, and then once he was closer to the building, around security people and small barricades.
A couple of the guards began to give chase, and while Tegoshi knew that this would be bad publicity, that he'd get in trouble with the executives at work, his legs wouldn't stop. And his mind wouldn't let them.

It barely registered with him that he was being pursued as he entered the lobby and ran past the information desk. Shouts from the men giving chase followed him, mingling with cries from the receptionists telling him not to run inside. He didn't bother with the elevators, even though he knew well that Massu's room was six stories above him. Taking the elevators meant waiting. Taking them meant standing still. And so he hurtled up the stairs, even thought his lungs felt like they were going to collapse by the time he'd made it to the right floor. As he tore out of the stairwell into the corridor, he prayed with all his heart that no one had taken the elevator, and was waiting ahead to apprehend him. He was sure he could hear running footsteps that weren't his own, but his mind was in such a flurry that he couldn't tell.

He could see the door to Massu’s room drawing closer in his tunnel vision, and didn't stop to catch his breath until he'd flung it open. The security guards in pursuit ground to a halt behind him, suddenly not knowing what to do now that Tegoshi had stopped dead.
There were five occupants inside the room; a nurse, Massu's parents and sister, and Massu himself. All of them had looked up, startled by the door flying open and hitting the wall with a loud crack. Tegoshi stood there staring, bare arms covered with scratches from manicured nails, and legs shaking from exertion. He locked gazes with Massu, and everyone else melted away.
It was time for him to ask a question he wasn't sure he wanted answered.

"Massu." He said in a small voice, between heavy breaths, "Do you know who I am?"
Massu regarded him with a blank, confused face, and Tegoshi felt a horrible wrenching feeling in his chest. He couldn't bear to stay any longer, and turned to go without even saying goodbye, heart breaking. He knew he'd have to face the security men behind him, and desperately tried to think of words to explain himself, when he was stopped by Massu's voice.

"Wait, Tegoshi. Why're you leaving?"
Tegoshi froze in his tracks, and a feeling of hope, so strong that it was sickening, blossomed in his chest. He turned back, jittery with anticipation and nerves.

"Massu," He began once more, "Tell me who you are."
Again, Massu looked confused, "Are you okay, Tegoshi? What are you asking that for?" And then, obviously anxious that Tegoshi would try to leave again if he failed to reply, answered, "I'm Masuda Takahisa. Still Massu, just like I've always been."
Tegoshi leant against the door frame for support as relief flooded him, and he laughed weakly, "You know... I was hoping you'd say that." He said.
He couldn’t hold back his tears any longer, and they leaked from his eyes, trickling down his cheeks in twin rivers.

Usually Tegoshi wouldn't cry so easily or openly, but he was still sobbing uncontrollably by the time his mother managed to catch up with him. He was escorted elsewhere, but would be able to go back and talk to Masusa-kun, the nurse told him kindly, once the doctor had spoken privately with his family. Tegoshi wiped his tears with the back of his hand in a very inelegant manner, and nodded. Now that he knew that the Massu who had woken up was the same Massu from before the accident, he felt considerably better. Each time a tear left his body, it was like a little drop of fear, frustration, anxiety – all the awful things that had bottled themselves up inside him – left with it.

He sat in the guest’s waiting room with his mother, who offered him a handkerchief and a glass of water which he took gratefully. While they waited, they watched a live news report on a small television in a corner of the room, showing the crowd outside the hospital. Then, to his embarrassment, there was footage of himself from before, tearing through the crowd like a man mad, eyes wide and wild. He glanced at his mother, expecting her to be ashamed of having a child who would ignore the commotion he could cause, just to satisfy his own feelings, but was shocked to find that she was watching the screen with a slight smile on her face. Then, catching him staring at her curiously, she looked him in the eye and said, "I'm really proud to have a son who cares about his friends so much."

The corner of Tegoshi's mouth twitched upwards.
He wasn't quite sure, but looking back at the screen after that, he decided that perhaps the wildness in his eyes looked a tiny bit more like determination.



It was an hour before Tegoshi was let back into Massu's room, but the plus side of this was that Massu's family had been given enough time to be able to bare the thought of leaving his side.
"We'll be back in just a moment, Takahisa." He mother told him, kissing him on the cheek, "We just need to go and sort out some paper work, but then we'll be right back with you."

Massu nodded obediently, and waved to his parents as they exited the room. Tegoshi edged in slowly, suddenly shy and embarrassed about his outburst from before. However, once catching sight of him, Massu's face lit up with the big, bright smile that Tegoshi hadn't realized he'd missed so much.
"Tegoshi," He greeted him in a voice with a warmth that matched his grin, and Tegoshi found himself fighting off another downpour of tears.

"Hey Massu." He replied, "How are you feeling?" He'd been wanting Massu to wake up for so long, but now that he had, Tegoshi wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't sure if there was anything that he could adequately put into words.
Massu paused for a moment, and looked like he was earnestly thinking about the question, then he beamed again and said, "Good. But a little hungry." He looked at his sister, both pointedly and mournfully, "Can you go and find me something to eat?"
She tried to surpress a smile, attempting to act annoyed but failing miserably. "Why don't you just call the nurse?"
Massu shook his head, and then pouted - another thing that Tegoshi hadn't realized he'd missed. "But I don't want to eat hospital food. The only good part is the jelly, and the rest is so gross. Can you find a vending machine and get me something from there? I kinda want candy."

His sister rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop the fond smile from finally defeating her, and spreading across her face. "How old are you again? Seven?" But she got up from her chair by his bed anyway, and headed for the door. "I'll be back soon."
"There's a vending machine in the waiting room on the first floor." Tegoshi told her as she passed him, and she nodded, thanking him then disappearing down the hall. He took her abandoned chair, and for a long time the two did nothing but stare at each other until Massu realized how weird it was, and started to giggle. His laughter was infectious, and soon Tegoshi joined in, his heart feeling the lightest it had all week.

"Is the food here really so bad that even you wouldn't eat it?" He asked, resting his hand on the edge of the bed. It lingered close to Massu's arm, but didn't touch him, although Tegoshi very much wished to. He just wasn't sure how to go about it; didn't know what to do after they'd been apart for so long.

The corners of Massu's eyes crinkled, and Tegoshi couldn't help but think that he had the most open and inviting face out of anyone in the whole world. Having Massu back.... He'd never be able to express how blessed it made him feel.
"Probably not. I haven't actually tasted it yet." He said, airily. "That was just an excuse so we could be alone for a little while." His hand snuck out from under the bed sheets, coming to rest atop Tegoshi's. It felt warm and rough and right. Tegoshi's heart skipped a beat.

"And you'll get candy too." He heard himself say, while his thoughts were elsewhere entirely.
"Yeah." Massu replied, leaning toward him slowly, "And candy."
Tegoshi flushed, and leant forward to meet him. Their lips brushed, gentle but sure, and his eyes slipped closed.
It had begun to rain by the time visiting hours ended, but when Tegoshi left the hospital, he left with a smile.

~*~*~*~

On his first day at work (First day back at work, everyone else had reminded him. It's your first day back at work), Seisuke had been called into Julie's office to discuss his condition. He'd been nervous, but nervous in a general fashion, rather than for any particular reason – the way anyone would have felt, had they been in the office of an executive belonging to a hugely successful and influential company. He'd contemplated whether he would have felt more or less secure if he'd actually had any of Shigeaki's memories.
"Your amnesia is to remain a secret." He'd been informed, practically immediately upon sitting down, "The fuss it would cause should it become public right now would only cause trouble for us. The future of your group is shaky enough as it is, with Yamashita-kun and Nishikido-kun still unconscious."

Seisuke had come away from the debriefing feeling unsettled, with his head spinning and his stomach queasy. He wondered if he could possibly survive in the entertainment world with no experience; to him, he'd been a normal university student up until a few days go. To everyone else, he was already a star with eight years of experience under his belt. He didn't think there could possibly be a way to fake that.

Even so, management had hammered home the fact that no one was to find out anything about 'Seisuke'. After all, the fans of Johnny's were looking for a hard-working, good looking, perfect Japanese boy. None of them wanted someone who'd suddenly woken up with the wrong memories, and took regular trips to a psychiatrist. And if he couldn't manage all of that? It had been made pretty clear to Seisuke that he was replaceable. No one had come out and said it directly, but that was the general feeling he'd gotten.

Unlike with the ever-frequent turning-up-in-conversation Yamashita Tomohisa or Nishikido Ryo, there were a handful of undebuted boys who could take his place, who would become – maybe already were – far more popular than he was, who could all fall into the role of an idol far more easily. And so here he was, saddled with the music and lyric sheets to countless songs, most of which didn't ring a single bell.

There were a handful that struck a chord in him, though. NEWS Nippon, although he didn't think it a particularly great song, and Kibou ~Yell~ aroused a sort of wonder and fulfilment in him, which he didn’t understand. Then there was Sayaendou, which caused a sort of grating feeling of loss in his chest. He wasn't sure why, because the lyrics were positive, while the title was positively ridiculous.

His eyes got teary the first time he listened to Hoshi wo Mezashite, though he was pretty sure it wasn’t the kind of song that was meant to make you cry.
But other than that, most of the songs refused to stick. Sure, he liked most of the enough - he really liked Cherish, for example - but the melodies and lyrics were beginning to melt together inside his head. The problem was that Seisuke had never been a big singer. He would sometimes go to karaoke with his friends or family, or with Mika, but he never took it further than that. It wasn't that he disliked it, but he was by no means good. And now he was expected to go on television shows and have his singing broadcasted to over a million people?
He couldn't sing. He couldn't dance. He couldn't read music.
And Koyama didn't like him.

He knew it wasn't something he should care about that much; not really. Logic told him that Koyama was someone he'd only met twice, someone whom he hadn't known for more than a week. Logic said that he was someone who shouldn't matter to Seisuke. But even though he knew this, on the contrary, his heart felt like he'd known Koyama for a very long time. And now that they'd finally met, Seisuke had managed disappoint him by doing nothing other than being himself.

They'd met again briefly after he'd left Julie's office and Koyama had barely uttered a greeting, before muttering what was doubtlessly an excuse and hurrying off. Since then, Seisuke had seen neither hide nor hair of him. Not that he didn't know the reason as to why Koyama was avoiding him; without being told, it was already obvious, and sometimes he was kept awake at night trying to figure out if it was Koyama or his parents who had betrayed Shigeaki the most: Koyama, because he'd abandoned him for waking up as someone else, or his parents, because they hadn't.
It was a difficult question. He didn't expect anyone else could understand.

The train shuddered to a stop, jolting Seisuke to alertness. He quickly made sure that he wasn’t at his station, and upon finding he still hadn’t arrived yet, slumped back down into his seat.
Three days had passed since Masuda had woken up, and it had been deemed fit for a press conference to be held. Four out of six members were up again, while the other two showed no change in condition. The fans were getting anxious and agitated, waiting to find out what fate would hold for the group, and for the four currently active members.

Seisuke had been briefed on this too; it would be just like the time they'd been on hiatus, he'd been told, as though he actually remembered that. If he was questioned about anything, he was to make his answers as brief as possible, so as not to say anything that should rouse suspicion. After all, there were fans out there who, right now, knew him better than he knew himself.
The train slowed to a halt again, and the electronic voice over the speakers informed him that he'd reached his station. Seisuke grabbed his bag, and merged into the flow of people escaping out of the doors.

By the time he arrived at the area designated for the press conference, Tegoshi, Koyama, and someone he recognized from pictures and videos to be Masuda, were already there. Tegoshi was wearing a bucket hat made from black felt, no doubt to hide the patch of his hair that was still shorter than the rest. As he walked towards them, Seisuke wondered if Tegoshi would be wearing hats in all the upcoming photo shoots he had until it grew back.

Masuda was the one who noticed Seisuke first and greeted him with a big smile and a wave. Tegoshi and Koyama followed suite, but Seisuke could see that Koyama looked edgy. It was because they were surrounded by cameras, he realized, that he was trying to act normally. Perhaps if they hadn't been in public, Koyama wouldn't have acknowledged him at all.
"Good morning Shige Kato!" Tegoshi sang the greeting instead of saying it, and Seisuke got the impression that he was in an infinitely better mood compared to the first time they'd met – the first time they'd re-met.

"Morning." He nodded in response, and then repeated the action to Massu. He tried to nod at Koyama too, but for some reason his body wouldn't listen to him, and the best he could manage was a slight twitch of his head in Koyama's direction.
"It's been a long time, Shige." Massu told him, "You know what? We should all have dinner together after the conference is over." He spoke so warmly, and it felt strange to Seisuke. To him, Massu was still a complete stranger. He thought briefly about saying no, but Tegoshi chimed in with approval, and Seisuke found himself agreeing with the plan, if only because he didn't want to spoil the mood.

"Koyama, you can make it too, right?" Masuda asked. He came across to Seisuke as an extremely good natured person, completely oblivious to any tension around him. He certainly didn't notice the awkward way that Koyama was holding himself at the moment, or how he refused to meet Seisuke's gaze. He snuck a glance at Koyama out of the corner of his eye, trying to make it seem as though he wasn't looking.

He was going to say no, Seisuke thought. Koyama wouldn't want to be with him, and as soon as the conference was over, he'd try and escape. There was no way he'd go to dinner with him. Not a chance.
"I..." Koyama began to say.

"Of course Kei-chan wants to come!" Tegoshi interrupted, in a voice that made Shige think of smiles and sunshine and positivity. "It's been ages since we've all been together like this, right Kei-chan?"
Koyama smiled guardedly. It looked tight and slightly forced, but it was a smile none the less, and Shige was astonished to see that he nodded.
"Yeah." He agreed. "Yeah, you're right. It has been."
Then they were swept up into the press conference, in a tornado of questions and camera flashes, and Seisuke experienced his first real day as Kato Shigeaki.
~*~*~*~*~